I will start by suggesting that saying a prayer is already a good start! Too many people are afraid of doing it wrong so they don’t do it at all. Or sometimes, after hearing someone else pray, they may feel that their own prayer is now insufficient and will refuse to pray afterwards. The sad thing is that whenever we feel that our prayers are inadequate too often we’ll stop praying altogether.
If there were a right way or wrong way to pray, I can assure you that you will not discover which is which by watching other people. Our perspective is always faulty. Just think about Jesus’ parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector praying in the Temple (Luke 18:10–14). According to the culture of the time, the proper way to pray was to stand with your hands raised to heaven (it may not have been the only proper way to pray, but it was definitely viewed as acceptable). In addition, since the Pharisees were the models of righteous living, however they prayed would have been considered the correct way. Yet Jesus said that the Pharisee did not go home justified. Or in other words, his prayers were not accepted. It wasn’t the posture or position, but the attitude that made the difference.
God desires for us to call on His name. So it is strange to think that there might be prayers He does not approve of. It is easy for us to quickly respond, “No! Every prayer is a good prayer.” Yet, if we really believed this, then why would we fear that our prayers might not be good enough.
If there is a wrong way to pray, the Bible would tell us. And, actually, there is a place where Jesus talks about how not to pray. Yes, you read that right. Jesus tells us, if you will, how we can do it wrong. Of all the places in the Bible that talk about prayer, this is the only place I’ve found that directly mentions incorrect prayers (other than the parable I mentioned above). This discussion is found as part of the sermon on the mount in Matthew 6.
In this part of His teaching, Jesus presents to us two “do nots.” The first one (Matthew 6:5, 6) says that we should not pray so that men can see us. In other words, the purpose of prayer is not to impress other people. So, if the whole reason you pray, or the way you pray, is so that others might view you as being more holy, then you are praying wrong.
Instead, we are counseled to pray in a way, or a place, that helps us focus on God and God alone. Prayer is about communication with Him; it has nothing to do with how man views our prayer. The problem we have with this concept is that we are not able to tell if another person’s prayers are done right or wrong. This is because it deals with motives rather than specific postures or words, and like it or not, we cannot know another person’s motives. You can only know your own motives. So, whether or not you know all the words to say—or whether you are sitting, kneeling, or standing—what really matters, according to Jesus, is if the purpose of your prayers is to communicate to God or to impress men.
The second “do not” (Matthew 6:7, 8), says that we are not to babble, or as the English Standard Version translates it, “heap up empty phrases.” Basically, Jesus is saying that we shouldn’t pray meaningless words and do not need to use many words in an attempt to convince God. He knows what we need before we even pray! A great example of this is the confrontation on Mt Carmel between Elijah and the priests of Baal (1 Kings 18:20–39). In this story, the priests of Baal beg their “gods” for hours on end, pleading to them to hear their prayers. This was typical of the heathens/ pagans. But when it was Elijah’s turn, he said a simple prayer and God answered.
There are two ideas here. First, God doesn’t ask us, or even want us, to beg Him. He wants us to ask, yes, but beg, no. He’s not stubbornly holding out good things from us until we can convince Him that we should have it. He desires to give us good things and is waiting for us to ask. There is a passage in Scripture that encourages us to be persistent (Luke 18:1–8: the parable of the widow and the judge), but persistence is not about begging, it is about not giving up.
The second idea is that empty words are simply that: empty. God doesn’t want just words, He wants our heart’s desire. Memorized prayers (even the Lord’s prayer) do not impress God anymore than memorizing a conversation (and repeating it over and over) would impress a friend or loved one. God wants us to pour out our hearts in prayer to Him, not our knowledge.
If you read further in Matthew 6, you will find the example prayer Jesus gave (verses 9–13). Again, Jesus just finished saying, “don’t use empty phrases,” so this prayer was not given to us so we would memorize it and spew out anytime we want to add a little “holiness” to our other prayers. Instead, Jesus is explaining how a simple prayer would sound. It is the opposite of the babbling of the pagans. Our prayers should be simple. This does not mean short, necessarily—Jesus spent all night in prayer sometimes—it means to the point. His example prayer contains different parts: glorifying God, desiring God’s will be done in your life, presenting personal requests, confession and asking for forgiveness, and requesting spiritual protection and guidance. Each is simple and to the point.
Again, it is not about our words, it is about our motives. It always is. God cares more about why we do things than the things we do themselves. We should stop worrying about whether or not our words are good enough—which, by the way, will never will be. But we have a promise in that category: “the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words” (Romans 8:26). What an incredible promise!
So, don’t worry about your words, just pour out your heart. Make prayer about you and God. Make it simple and to the point. Don’t care what others may think of your prayers—every heartfelt prayer is beautiful to God—just pray!